I realise that this sounds like the title to a dreadful self help book but please indulge me and read on – I get to a point I promise…
Breathe. Gaze into the mirror with kindness in your eyes. Feel yourself stretching from one end of the earth to the other. Find your inner deliciousness….
I’m pretty certain I’ve never used the word delicious to describe anything but food. Fleetingly I meet the eye of the class leader, suppress my laughter and concentrate on not poking my neighbour in the eye with my toe.
My right arm extended in a Superman fashion and my left curled round to grab my left foot while my only grounded limb spasms, disgruntled at having been the only one not invited to this flailing appendages party. Oh, and I’m sweating. Rather a lot. Yes, I am one of 30 contorted (unfortunately the majority are far less ungainly than this human Twister neophyte) people who are all bending and stretching in 40 degree heat.
This is not me (obviously), but borrowed from the lovely and more flexible folk at YogaBarn.net
The Hot Bikram Yoga centre is located in Fulham, Balham and soon to be London Bridge. Despite their high (perhaps not for everybody, but in my mind exercise is far too painful to be charged. Sadists.) tariffs, the practice is on a tiny site, with one main studio, thin reception/boot room, two tiny changing rooms and two even smaller toilets.
Bikram yoga is comprised of 26 poses and 2 breathing exercises over 90 minutes and as challenging as this is, it’s nothing compared to the skill involved in negotiating twenty to thirty moist backsides in the changing rooms as you peel off sodden clothes. And then there’s the communal shower to get your head around…
However torturous I’ve depicted this to be I do feel energised and infinitely more relaxed after a class. Most of the poses are beyond me and I can’t free my eyes or mind from judgment as I’m supposed to (particularly you, ill man in the second row – this is not your personal decongestion service) and my legs buckle when they’re meant to be ‘locked’ but overall I leave with only minor embarrassment.
The main request is that novices stay throughout the whole session so as not to disturb others. So you can imagine it caused quite the scandal when 20 minutes in a woman announced ‘I’m sorry I have to return my hire-car.’ It seems that Bikram can’t sweat out everyone’s inner deliciousness, but I’m up for giving it another try…