Right. JVDB’s forehead is a given, an obscenity so large there’s no point even going into it. Let’s move on.

Courtesy of a very obliging friend I have been putting my free time into a trip down memory lane. I used to look up to these pseudo teens; the passionate angst so vividly mirrored my own, with their heartfelt, pained expressions and long-winded, overly-verbal schpeels.

Watching it today, and my mid-nineties power animal is cringing. Let’s start with the clothes: Dawson’s oversized checkered shirts, with grey old man’s T-shirt and foppish curtains. Not forgetting the necklace with unidentifiable ‘spiritual’ pendant on it. Sweater vests, Hawaiian shirts, football jerseys. And for girls the fashion is just as tasty. Cropped khakis, a-line strappy dresses, more sweater vests, Joey’s tea cosy hats, Jen’s bust-enhancing turtle neck jumpers. Plus a whole lot of purple and ‘barrettes’.

But then there’s the intense facial expressions: Dawson’s furrowed, I’m-about-to-well-up quizzical brow; Joey’s fluctuation between perma-scowl and Cabbage Patch half smile; and Jen’s wanton-atheist pout.

I could write a dissertation solely on Joey’s fifty word sentences, but it’s so irritating I just can’t. Cannot.

The plot is a lot less complex than you remember: Joey loves Dawson – Dawson loves Jen – Jen dumps Dawson – Joey and Dawson kiss – then fight – Jen wants Dawson back – people climb up ladders – row down/up creeks – Joey helps Jack ‘out’ himself – Dawson makes crappy melodramas about whatever crappy melodrama his life is evolving around at that time – Jen sleeps with inappropriate men – Pacey makes jokes and frosts his tips. REPEAT THIS 1500 OVER and you’ve got six seasons of doe-eyed, exasperated gooeyness.

Some memorable quotes…

Dawson & Andie’s Rendition of Got The Blues

Pacey: “Ooh Dumbo!”

Jen: “Besides this is 1998, sex is always a risky choice.”

Joey: “I’m Joey Potter, Virgin at Large.”

Everything Dawson says is annoying, whiny bullshit so I’ll leave you with this: